After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize