I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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