Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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