Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
