now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
