Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
