you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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