thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize