despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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