i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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