Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.

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(817): View more from Texas

He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night

Fav 25 1151 7553
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(719): View more from Colorado

There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.

Fav 14 5452 1577
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(949): View more from California

they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store

(949): View more from California

I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.

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(386): View more from Florida

Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.

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(361): View more from Texas

I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.

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(540): View more from Virginia

There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.

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