i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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