I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
