Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
