I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
