I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just forgot I was standing up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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