Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
