when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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