maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
