see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
