what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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