I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
