mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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