Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
