I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
