I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
