I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
