and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
