just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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