I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
