the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
