hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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