I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
