Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
