im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
