I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
