Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize