remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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