At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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