You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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