My first STD was from a foam party
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
