he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
