I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
