no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
