I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
