today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
