not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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