Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize