i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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