Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
