halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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