Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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