one two three fourrrrnication!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I believe in your delicious
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
