Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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