I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
