you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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