Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
