wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
