Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just pee around me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
