i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Boobs are out for the taking
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
