He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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