I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
