Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
